launching

I'm off to Toronto today to celebrate my book! If you're in town, come see me at the Toronto Women's Bookstore.

We'll have a little nosh, a little drink, I'll read from the book...I think it will be a nice evening.

Meanwhile, here's a link to a blog called "Incredible Women," where I am honoured to say that I am being featured today.

Not for me

I frequently get requests on my blog to blog about something else, besides me and my ailments. I usually decline because they are not the focus of my blog - which can be summed up as things that interest me or annoy me. (How's that for a bit of selfishness?) I have even updated my home page with a note that I will not blog about other people's  issues. No one reads that. I still get requests.

Yesterday I got a request:

"My name is Mxxxx. I am an intern with Darna & Company. We have a new product in the market called the NoMoNausea band. This band uses peppermint aroma therapy and acupressure to combat nausea and vomiting. We have joined with the Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, Florida to help patients going through treatment. For every band purchased in the month of October, a patient at the cancer center will receive one free of charge. Please visit our website, nomonausea.com, and amazon for more information. To receive $1 off use the coupon code: SAVBOOBS. We hope that this band will bring relief to the nausea and vomiting from the trauma of the chemotherapy treatment. Please share our information with others that deal with nausea and vomiting. Thank you for your time."

At first I just ignored it - because I felt it was a run on sentence/paragraph with typos which had clearly been cut and pasted from another blog. Then I decided it really ticked me off:

1. The coupon code is offensive.
2. From the coupon code and I can deduce that it is a pink project
3. Wrist bands for breast cancer patients? A lymphedema no-no.
4. Why should I care about a cancer center in Florida?

I admit that in the past I have used wrist bands and not thought much about the wrist band/lymphedema connection. Now I can no longer wear bracelets, even loose ones, because of lymphedema and arthritis/tendonitis, so why would I want a wrist band which puts pressure on my wrist? I can feel my arm swelling at the very thought.

So this clearly became a topic that annoyed me to no end. I do not recommend this product at all. They need a better marketing plan. Hey, I'm a marketing consultant, maybe they should  hire me.

Now what??

I stood in that room and felt such a powerful energy; it made me feel confident that I was doing the right thing. Not that I really doubted myself, but the friggin' negative feedback does make you think twice sometimes. My dad was so proud that he was barely able to talk at times, he wears his emotion on his sleeve anyway, but his pride shined and for that I am proud. Everyone keeps asking me, "What do you want people to take from this?" and tonight it was clear. I had so many people say they could not believe this was what stupid dumb breast cancer looks like , they didn't know that this is what happened. This is exactly what I wanted people to see. The incredibly raw, uncensored side to this fucked up disease. The drains with their liquid, the holes in my side, the bandages and the fright in my face all right there in beautiful, powerful images.  I will be posting the slide show soon. Genevieve says, "A good slide show should make you cry." I wonder if mine made people cry?

Thanks so much to everyone who took tickets, set up pictures, sold shirts (still available!), kept my lips glossy, and kept a Pink Stiletto in my hand (now that is a good fucking drink). This night came together not just because I had an idea but because I have family and friends and a community that believes in me. They all know how important this message is and how I am on a crusade to get it heard.

Now what?? Well, there is the "Stacks for Racks" poker night at Trapper's. Great food, awesome atmosphere, poker and prizes what more could you ask for? RACE FOR THE CURE!!! Registration is opened and the race director LOVES when our team signs on. So get on the site and join CURE OR BUST. There are more events coming, do not worry. I have had offers for other restaurants showing the images, another Komen affiliate would like the photos to come to their area and who knows what else!? I would love for more people to see these images, so after my next surgery I will plan something else:) I know just what Nikki is thinking, but I can only sit still for so long!



I hope everyone who came tonight walked away feeling stronger after seeing these images. At least you walk away knowing me better, A LOT better! Thanks for coming out, the support was truly unreal and made me feel like a princess, just what I needed.

3 weeks later

If you'll recall, I was hesitant to have my port put on my right side because of my truncal lymphedema. I figured that if I'm not supposed to cut my right arm, or even have blood pressure taken on the side, then I probably shouldn't have surgery either. After all, I have very little lymphedema in my right arm and lots in my back and chest.

Well, I have even more now. And it's really uncomfortable. And the site of the surgery also became infected.

I was put on antibiotics for a week. At the end of the week, I saw only a tiny bit of improvement in the wound and the antibiotics had made me sick. And they made me weak enough that, as I was recovering from the antibiotics, I contracted a brutal gastrointestinal virus.

It's been five weeks since surgery and I still don't feel like myself.

And tomorrow, I have treatment.

But at least I'm writing again and riding my bike and going for walks. And the wound, is finally healing.

I think I need to put all of this in a letter to the hospital. An open letter.

Until then, I'm back. And happy to be here.

milestone reviewed

I am featured on a blog called "Women at Forty" today.

When I was aked to submit a post, I thought it would be appropriate to re-visit a post I wrote on the eve of my fortieth birthday.

I'm looking forward to writing my fiftieth birthday post. Only eight more years and countless clean scans to go.

going away

Later this morning, my dog and I are going off on an adventure.

We're taking the train to Toronto and then piling into a van with two big Labradors and one of the people I love the most in the world. We'll drive several hours in a northerly direction and then we'll take a boat to a quiet island.

For several days, we will eat, talk, walk, read, I will knit and we will talk some more (or at least the humans will. The dogs will join in the walking part and will do their own share of eating). We will be completely off the grid.

On Thursday, we will pack up our gear into the boat and reverse the process to travel home.

This is the second time we have done this (although the first time for Lucy, my Tibetan Terrier). Last year, I had been teetering on the edge of a depression and came home feeling restored. This year, I'm in a much better space and absolutely giddy with anticipation.

There are lots of potential challenges - last year the boat wouldn't start but we were able to find the home of the guy who rents some. Whatever, comes up, though, we will have each other and some good stories to tell.

See you on the other side.

A pictures says a thousand words

Tom's favorite image

I have found in looking at these pictures I can truly see the emotions. Some of which I still have not seen, so it will be a roller coaster for me.  Tom was hugging me before I was wheeled away. It was just as intense as this picture shows. I told him "I love you" and he said "See you on the other side", "WTF??? I hope not!" As true as this journey has been emotionally intense, it has also been filled with laughter. I have always been the one cracking jokes at funerals, just trying to make the nervousness dissipate. I also joke when I am nervous, it breaks the ice for me and makes the other person uncomfortable (I like it that way, I am a sick bitch, I know). So when I make inappropriate jokes and comments just know that I mean it with love, blahahahahah (insert evil laugh). I will also be very emotional so be prepared for crying, too. Looks like you will be seeing a little "Sybil" action! Please come with good positive energy and leave your negativity at the door (my bouncers will bounce your ass right outta there). I am in no mood for bullshit, so back off if these pictures "offend" you. I just want people to understand how stupid dumb breast cancer REALLY affects people! Not just the physical and emotional changes, but how, as horrible as it is, it brings people together. My family (because they have no choice and I have 10 years, yes Heather, 10 YEARS to play that card), my friends (because we are bonded by a sisterhood unlike no other and I think they are a little scared of me) and a community (who has given time, resources and money to support this cause) have been the soap box for which I stand! So join me today as I stand up on my soap box to cancer (well really in 6 inch stilettos).

My favorite image, right after surgery with my dad who's smile says it all!