Judy

I'm sure she did not "go gently into that good night." 


Judy was a fighter, a woman whose Facebook page stated "I love my life." And that was life centered around her family and friends, especially her 10 year old son and her husband.


I first met Judy (and I do feel like I knew her, even though we never met in person) when 20 or so women were brought together by Susan to form the group blog, Mothers With Cancer. It was clear from the outset that Judy  would become a particular friend.


She had a passionate sense of social justice, a dark sense of humour and a straightforward manner that endeared her to me immediately. Like me, she loathed the pinkwashing that takes place every October. We even both had dogs who were considered part of the family.


Judy never stopped being angry about cancer. She railed against the unfairness of a world that afflicts so many of us with this evil disease.


At the same time, she never stopped appreciating the beauty in the world around her - in her environment, at work and in her family and friends. She never stopped finding things about which to laugh.


It's because of Judy that I applied for Little Pink Houses. I know that her family's week with the organization was a glorious experience (and so was mine). We often said how great it would be to meet up in person. Jeanine from Pink Houses did meet both of us and told me she is confident that we would have liked each other as much in person as we did online.


Judy, my friend, I miss you already. My heart goes out to everyone who loves you, especially Nate and Frank. Many, many, many people mourn your loss and celebrate your life.

"let's hear it for November!"

I get really (and somewhat irrationally) nervous at this time of year. 

I found the lump in my breast on December 2, 2005.

I was diagnosed with liver metastasis on November 24, 2006.

And last November, was all about trying to decide what to do with my brain tumour. I had surgery on November 27.

This is not my favourite time of year.

But Katherine O'Brien left a comment in yesterday's post and linked to this new video that she made. One very good reason to embrace November is that it's no longer Pinktober!

Movember Man

Does it seem to you like there are a lot of men in your neighbourhood sporting really bad facial hair? You're not imagining things. It's Movember!

All this hairyness is happening for a really good cause - to bring an end to prostate cancer. This is a fundraiser/awareness campaign that I like very much. It amuses me, no one needs to buy some carcinogenic/useless/environmentally unfriendly product to participate and we are all reminded of the cause every time we look at a man and wonder "Is he or isn't he?"

If you know a man who's participating in Movember, please support him. If you don't, please support my friend Ken. He and I go way back (more than 20 years - gulp). He is a Good Man - funny, kind and with a generous heart. He really deserves your support. Besides, he's being very brave. The last time he sported a moustache was a very long time ago and it was a little - well - scraggly. Many men's beards improve greatly over the decades (Tim's certainly has) but, as Ken sets out on this adventure, he just doesn't know how it's going to go.

I've already donated. It was a selfish act really. I want him to post photos.

All funds raised in Canada during Movember go to Prostate Cancer Canada, awareness and education programs and towards a Global Action Plan to eradicate prostate cancer worldwide. I can get behind that. Will you?

i positively like this

Among the many sentiments that can make me apopletic, the idea that if only women with breast cancer "stay positive", they will be just fine might just get to me the most.

I was pretty damn positive during my initial treatment for breast cancer and yet here I am. I remained postive through my five years of remission (and ongoing treatment) and I was relatively upbeat during my brain surgery, almost a year ago.

I think it's a good idea, generally, not to wallow in my sorrows because it's so much harder to live that way - but I don't think the positive live and the negative die. Not for a moment.

It's natural that we want to believe that survival after breast cancer is within our control and some things certainly are. But not everything. And I think that's why those of us living with breast cancer can make "survivors" feel kind of uncomfortable. We're they're worst nightmare.

There is a real temptation for news outlets and others wanting to highlight the positive during breast cancer awareness month (and at other times) by ignoring women with metastatic breast cancer completely.

katherine O'Brien  (of I Hate Breast Cancer) wrote to a local television station after just such an episode. Please take 5 minutes to watch. Your jaw will drop, I promise.

Click here to watch Breast Cancer Awareness. Stay Positive 2.0

I'm positive that I take great comfort and inspiration from women like katherine and others living with metastatic breast cancer who are not afraid to speak out.

just under the wire

It's the very last day of "breast cancer awareness" month and I have a post up at Mom 2.0 Summit, "Pinkwashing won't cure breast cancer":

"I care about bringing an end to breast cancer. As someone who has lived with the illness since first being diagnosed in 2006, I care very much. However, I don’t think buying fried chicken in a pink bucket or a pink screwdriver is going to change very much at all."

I also wrote a post for BlogHer for Metastatic Breast CancerAwareness Day, "I'm sick of cancer but it won't be a good day when my treatment stops":

“Women with metastatic breast cancer never really fit in with others in the breast cancer community. To those who finish treatment, embrace the word “survivor," talk about “winning their battle" and never looking back, we represent the worst that can happen. Who wouldn't want to believe that if you stay strong through treatment, stay positive and do everything right, you will get to leave cancer behind?”

I hate pink ribbons and pinktober for a whole host of reasons that I realize I can now rattle off in a two minute rant. Ask me some time. It could be my new party trick.

how cool is this?

Yesterday morning, I got a call from Oresta. She told me that she had read my article in the Centretown Buzz and wanted to reach out to me.

Even though I love her store and spa (I asked for gift certificates for Christmas last year), I was not on her mailing list and had not received the letter that I posted above.

It's hard to read, so here is the text, in full:

OCTOBER is BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

Pinkwasher: (pink’-wah-sher) noun. A company that pur-
ports to care about breast cancer by promoting a pink
ribboned product, but manufactures products that are
linked to the disease.

Dear clients,

ORESTA organic skin care confectionery is committed to providing organic spa
treatments and to supporting companies that manufacture truly pure and organic
products. We believe in beauty without compromising your health.

We have been touched by cancer in our families and with our clientele - as
cancer survivors and undergoing cancer therapy. The prevailing comment of clients
who have come in for a spa treatment while undergoing therapy was how nurturing a
visit to ORESTA organic skin care confectionery was for them.

We have wanted to help the cause but have struggled with a way to do this.
Do we donate a % of sales? a % of services? Do we fundraise? For which organiza-
tion or foundation? In the end, what feels right for us, is doing what we do best:
pampering.

If you, a friend or loved one is undergoing cancer therapy and would enjoy an
organic facial treatment, please contact us. We are committed to treating one
woman per week to a complimentary ORESTA treatment.

Oresta was calling to offer me a facial (I am going on Friday) but I offered to blog about this offer. She asked me to clarify that she and her staff will be offering this service to women undergoing treatment throughout the year - not just during October.

I am impressed and touched beyong words. Have any of you ever heard of anyone else doing this?

I told my spouse that, by coincidence, I had written in journal that morning that I would really like a facial. He said, "Tomorrow, could you write that you would really like a home renovation?"

de-bunking the pink

"Three years ago, I saw a story on the news while I was at the gym. An investigative feature on the breast cancer awareness contributions that various corporations pledged during Breast Cancer Awareness Month found that most of these promotions led to increased sales and windfall profits that dwarfed the piddling donations that the extra sales generated. Until that moment, I was gung-ho about buying products marked with pink ribbons."

And so begins the best article I have ever read on the subject of the pink-washing of October (and not just because the author says you should all go out and buy my book). Suzanne Reisman hits all the bases in this piece and does it with eloquence and a sense of humour.

If you have ever struggled to understand why some of us object to pinxploitation (I just made that word up), your questions will be answered.

a perfect example (one for the pinxploitation hall of shame)

From the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics:

Procter & Gamble's cosmetics division is making a big deal this month about supporting early breast cancer detection, an important issue. But we think P&G should start with prevention by promising to stop using chemicals linked to cancer in its products.According to the Skin Deep database, P&G still uses parabens – in particular, methylparaben – in hundreds of its Cover Girl, Max Factor, Infusium and other products.
Parabens are compounds widely used as antimicrobial preservatives in cosmetics products. They're also estrogen mimickers, and have been found in breast tumors.
A new study found that methylparaben can not only cause healthy breast cells to behave like cancer cells, but also interfere with the effectiveness of tamoxifen, an important breast cancer drug.

Please let P&G and everyone else know that this pinxploitation is completely unacceptable. If they care about more than pinkwashing their products, they would stop including carcinogens among the ingredients of so many of their products.

have you read "Not Done Yet"?

Have you read this book yet?

I think I have all the remaining copies of Not Done Yet : Living Through Breast Cancer in my attic. I'm selling them for $25 (tax included) plus shipping. 

I'm told it's a pretty good book. You should read it. Or give it to someone you love.

"wear black and save the rack" (from 'ihatebreastcancer')

Words from a woman after my own heart:

...we here at the I Hate Metastatic Breast Cancer Foundation have a saying: If You Can’t Beat ‘em, Join ‘em.

I am so pleased to embrace this noble cause for all of us on this brave and selfless journey of ours. Yes, the I Hate Metastatic Breast Cancer Foundation has now latched  on to a surefire vehicle to beef up the anemic state of metastatic breast cancer research*: BRACELETS! But not just any bracelets, MBC Bracelets.

Our MBC bracelets are not a gaudy yellow or girly pink but a tasteful and understated black. Each one comes with a photo and the personal story of a U.S. person who died from breast cancer last year. Choose from more than 45,000 stories! More added every day!

You can read the rest of the post at ihatebreastcancer.

letter of the day

Yesterday, CBC Radio's Q featured an interview with Samantha King, author of Pink Ribbons Inc.

At the end of the interview, listeners asked the following questions (they were also posted to the Q blog): What are your impressions of cancer fundraising and awareness efforts? Are they working? Do you find any aspect of them troubling?

My sister-in-law, B. alerted me to the interview (she listens on the east coast schedule) and encouraged me to write a letter in response. This morning, a slightly edited version of this letter was read on the air (I was the "Letter of the Day"):

In January 2006, when I was 38 years old an the mother of two young children, I was diagnosed with very aggressive breast cancer. I underwent a brutal treatment regimen only to learn in November of that same year that the cancer had spread to my liver. I was told that I had “years, not decades” to live.

I resumed treatment and, this time, my response was immediate and dramatic – by June 2007, there was no longer any sign of cancer in my body. As I write this, I am still in remission. I'm also still in treatment, as we don't know enough about what happens when metastatic breast cancer disappears to make an informed decision about stopping.

I know without a doubt that I am alive today because of the kind of cutting edge research funded by breast cancer organizations. I also know that thousands of women who've been through breast cancer live better lives because of the kind of advocacy and outreach work that is undertaken by non-profit organizations.

But I do cringe, seethe and yes, even rant every time October comes around and we are deluged with pink products from fried chicken to face cream to key chains.

In theory, I'm not opposed to corporate sponsorship. But in the same way that I think cigarette companies should not be permitted to sponsor children's festivals, I'm offended when companies that sell products that are unhealthy, bad for the environment and laden with carcinogens jump on the “pinxploitation” bandwagon. At best, these campaigns do little to eradicate breast cancer and worst, they are a cynical attempt to grab some good PR and increase profit margins at the expense of anyone who's life has been affected by cancer.

Don't get me wrong. I don't judge anyone who's drawn to all the pink stuff. I own a lovely pink cowboy hat. I would just ask folks to think before they get swept up in the “Pinktober” frenzy. Put that pink soup back on the shelf. Step away from the pink sweater with the pink ribbon buttons (for so many reasons). Unless you really want the pink sunglasses, save your money. Most companies only give a tiny percentage of sales to breast cancer research. Why not make a donation instead to an organization that is demonstrably contributing to research, advocacy and especially prevention of all cancers? Then you'll know that you really are making a difference.

All the letters that the host, Jian Ghomeshi, read were on this subject and all of them opposed pinkwashing. Perhaps tomorrow will bring a deluge of letters taking an opposing opinion but it's good to see that more of us are speaking out on this issue that has driven me wild since my own diagnosis of breast cancer.

Cross-posted to Mothers With Cancer.

go read this

Throughout BREAST CANCER AWARENESS month, I'm going to be featuring posts from around the web that really resonate with me on the subject of pinkwashing.

Today's post called Breast Cancer Awareness, Jersey Shore Style is from The Cancer Culture Chronicles.

"This is how "In Jersey / Jersey Shore Magazine" depicts what they think is important for the women of the Jersey Shore area to know about breast cancer...On page 52 we're treated to a Tickled Pink fashion spread of glossy made-up survivors in their breast cancer charity of choice t-shirts and then bedazzled in all manner of pink ribbon accessories and jewellery all available for purchase at listed stockists. As for the copy; here's my personal favorite..."showcased here in an array of pink items, they show a verve and vitality that is the essence of the spirit of all survivors...." Nothing says verve and vitality like a $139.95 Sparkle Strong Breast Cancer Survivor Necklace I guess!"

If you want to understand more about living with metastatic breast cancer and why some of us bristle (and even rage) about all the pink crap, check out the info on the right side of the blog. Well written, informative and entertaining. This blog is well worth reading.

keep your head down

It's begun.

The annual barrage of pinkwashed crap and pinxploitation is in full swing.

And I really don't feel like talking about it. What I want to do is stay home for the rest of October and not open any emails until this month is done. Enough already. Now that it seems that more people can relate to my pink ribbon anathema, why haven't the pitches slowed down or the products become harder to find?

I want to make like an ostrich and just wait until it all goes away.

Instead, and to spare myself the need to get worked into a lather, I'll direct you to the right sidebar of this blog. Scroll down to the "labels." Click on the one marked "don't buy pink crap" (or just click on this link to go there directly) and you can read rants, observations, a little analysis and links to the blogs of some compadres.

Speaking of compadres, these great bloggers are kindred spirits, when it comes to pinkwashing:

i hatebreastcancer

Uneasy Pink

Gayle Sulik (author of Pink Ribbon Blues)

The Assertive Cancer Patient

Nancy's Point

and, of course, the late, great Rachel of Cancer Culture Chronicles

I'm sure I'm forgetting some bloggers and I'm sure there are more that I don't know. Do you have others you could add to the list? Let's make an anti-pink blogroll!

(As an aside, I note that all but one of these blogs is written by women with metastasis. I will be writing more about living with mets amidst the pink ribbons in the next few days)

I also can't resist another chance to put in a plug for Pink Ribbons Inc, the movie that explains it all and does it very powerfully.

Updated to add:

 A great article from the web site xojane: I Hate Breast Cancer 'Awareness' Month.

October:  Breast Cancer Awareness Scam Month by Suzanne Reisman. Suzanne writes a post for BlogHer on this subject every year. And her words meant a great deal to me in October 2006 when the shock of a pinkwashed world first hit me. I even quoted her in my book!

i ran for the cure

photo: Ian Hendel

With my sister.

At the finish line.

Wearing my Songbird scarf.

And my hat from Texas.

Team NO PINK FOR PROFIT was 43 members strong. We raised a whopping $25,000.

Sometimes life is very sweet.

no pink for profit runs/walks for the cure v2.0

The miraculous photo in which we all have our eyes open! photo: I. Hendel

There was some incredible coverage in the Ottawa Citizen this year. All the articles listed below were also in the Saturday print version of the paper (for my American friends: the Saturday papers have the highest circulation, as yours do on Sunday):

Seeing red over pink ribbon campaign.

Pink fatigue. 

Think before you pink.

A short history of pink.

Getting choosy about sponsorship.

The Citizen also posted a short video to their web site:

Thanks so much to all the team members (including those who who were not able to attend the walk/run) and to everyone who donated. Special thanks to Andrea (who is the real woman wearing the pinnie in the Citizen photos) for holding my hand through the surreal filming of the video and to our honorary team members, Tim (picked up the team kits and t-shirts) Ian (took photos and custody of our stuff while we walked and Lee (stepped up with kid distraction when it was very much needed).


May we all be healthy and able to do it next year. And may there soon come a time when the Run for the Cure is a thing of the past.

"I'm running for...Deanna, Susan, Judy (and me). 
In memory of Sarah and Rebecca." 

photo: A. Ross

happy october

really random

I had to turn on the heat today. I was hoping to wait until later in the month but the temperature dropped to 12C (53.6) inside the house.

Late last week, I became convinced that something had crawled into our chimney or heating ducts and died. We have since had both cleaned. No dead thing was found but the smell is gone, too.

I've been watching more television lately than I have in years (when I could go weeks without watching television). I have become hooked on So You Think You Can Dance (US and Canadian versions) and Glee. I also have just discovered House. I've clearly been missing out on something good, there.

After yesterday's grumpy post, I want to say that I think there are lots of groups out there doing good work on behalf of cancer patients. I like Breast Cancer Action (although some chapters are better than others), the Canadian Breast Cancer Network, Living Beyond Breast Cancer and the Young Survival Coalition (they are behind the Annual Conference For Young Women Affected By Breast Cancer). Can you suggest others?

I also like to support my local cancer centre. I felt torn about this, as I believe that it's government's job to fund hospitals (through my tax dollars) but as a consumer, I know how many services are desperately needed.

I had a wonderful four day visit with my friend, K. We spent every waking moment together and still the visit felt too short. We were room-mates at Pearson College (K. is from the Netherlands). I nearly fell over when she pointed out that we met 25 years ago this month.

I realized when I was with K. that it was really important to me that she she appreciate all the things that I love about Ottawa. My heart soared when we were walking along Richmond Street in the rain and she announced how much she likes it here.

We hung out in the Glebe, Westboro and the Byward Market. We went walking in Gatineau Park. We visited Kingsmere. I had never been there. I loved the purple prose describing the property, the ruins and Mackenzie King himself. I also found it amusing that while we were informed of the fact that he was Canada's longest serving Prime Minister, there was no mention of the fact that he was completely bonkers.

Where do you like to bring friends who visit your home town?

welcome to October

My Facebook and Twitter feed is filled with exclamations. No one can believe it's here. Neither can I.

Welcome to October.

Is it just be or is the annual deluge of pink crap just slightly toned down this year? Maybe I've just had my head under a rock. I was literally offline for a week and it's been longer than that since I've been in a store. I don't listen to commercial radio or watch television that isn't Netflix, so I've been pretty sheltered, so far. I'm thankful.

I'm still astounded at some of the awful pink stuff out there and I'll be featuring some of the best throughout the month, along with genuinely topical and even helpful information about breast cancer and the organizations and people who are out there doing good work.

In short, you can come here this month, if you're in need of some pink de-toxing. This is a pinxploitation free zone.

For today, here is a letter I wrote a couple of years ago, to Q on CBC Radio, that was the Letter of the Day.

"what's wrong with breast cancer awareness month?"

"October is breast cancer awareness month, which again fills the stores with pink products and pink ribbons. But many people with breast cancer are feeling exploited."

It's only September 30th and I already have pink ribbon fatigue. I ranted about about this in 2006, 2007 and 2008 (there is also a version of this rant in my book, Not Done Yet).

This year, let me point you to an excellent article by Maija Haavisto (and I don't just say this because she quotes me):

Since 1985 October has been celebrated as breast cancer awareness month, often symbolized by pink ribbons and the color pink. It is interesting to note that the awareness month was started by the drug company AstraZeneca (which manufactures several breast cancer drugs) and the pink ribbon originated from cosmetics giant Estée Lauder.

Simply put, I think a lot of breast cancer awareness month is big scam. To quote Maija's article quoting me (is this as po-mo as it gets?):

"I really resent big corporations making a profit - while donating only a tiny percentage to breast cancer research - on some disposable item that has been made under questionable environmental conditions by workers who are paid less than a living wage."

Want to do something to raise breast cancer awareness? Make a donation to an organization doing good work. Advocate for changes in environmental laws. Encourage young people to be aware of changes in their bodies. Do something nice for someone who has been affected by the disease.

And if you are craving a slice of pink cake, washed down with a glass of pink lemonade, by all means, indulge yourself. Just please don't do it in my name.

no pink for profit runs (or walks) for the cure in 2011

No Pink for Profit has been formed again for the 2011 Run for the Cure.

Want to help raise the right kind of awareness and help fund advocacy, outreach and research?

You can make an online donation. It's easy! It's fun! It's for a good cause.

Your support is very much appreciated.