Happiness

What is happiness in life? We don't realy know. Scientists have defined it as:

My version of it is a bit different (and I have long since forgotten all the calculus, trigonometry and higher math I learned in college) and shorter.

I think happiness is defined as contentment, meeting your own expectations and no one else's. In the scientific definition they talk about it as meeting your expectations of yourself. But do not lower your expectations. You need to set your expectations to a level that you can attain. Wow, am I getting philosophical this morning? That is too much to ask.

But I digress. What makes me happy? Well, as you may have guessed my health doesn't make me happy. Happiness for me is getting a feeling of accomplishment in what I do. Sometimes it leads me to stretch myself a bit thin with volunteer work but I like how I feel after I get something done that helps another group of people.

Sometimes I see people who clearly are not happy with their lives. Some times circumstances can be beyond our control - like getting cancer, and sometimes we need help from others - money, therapy, but we are better off if we focus on making lemonade out of our lemons than allow resentment to grow and turn us into crabby nasty people.

What are my expectations in my life? I now know I am not going to be a rocket scientist, a CEO, a Hollywood star, or cure the common cold. But I am  okay with all that. I wouldn't mind finding a cure for cancer but think there are others who are much more qualified.

What do I want out of life? I think I am happy with a little house on a little street where I can live quietly with my husband and garden. I think I am happy in our own little world here. Its only 10 minutes to the damn hospital if I need it.

Cancer and long term planning

With a cancer diagnosis, one starts having many little conversations with oneself and reevaluates many things that had previously been taken for granted in life. Some of those are very profound,  'its time to take charge of my life', for example, and others are less so 'its time to go to Europe that I've always talked about'.

But one of those items in life that seems to get reevaluated is 'if I have cancer, how important is retirement saving and planning?'. 'How am I supposed to save for retirement and pay medical bills?' And you cut back on your working hours so you can get to appointments. Money is tight.

But the real question is 'with cancer, will I even be here for retirement?'. Clearly retirement planning takes a hit. The younger you are, the less real it can seem.

Yesterday my husband came home from work (where its all top secret so he can't tell me much) in a cranky mood because he felt it was another long and boring day. (My point to him is they pay you to be there. But I digress) Anyway, one of  us mentioned how many more years of this would there be to put up with as we are getting up there in age.

The thought then occurred to me, we never figured out what the hell we are doing when we retire. To be fair, we got married nine years ago and two years later I was diagnosed with breast cancer and all thoughts of retiring were put aside. So now we have no plan. This isn't to say we aren't saving for retirement, we are. But we never figured out our plan.

What are our goals before we retire? Pay off the house first. Then what? Where do we want to retire? Close to good medical care for me of course. But do we want to keep the house, buy a second retirement place someplace? What do we want to do when we retire? We need hobbies and plans. Sitting around together will quickly lead to a body or a divorce.

We realize we need to start planning and thinking and agreeing on some things. It shouldn't be hard but we need to start.

Maybe now I am in a mental place where retirement seems realer again. I am getting closer to the age. My health certainly isn't going to let me keep working for another 20 years. Another cancer blip might change everything all over again but while we can, I think we need to do some long term planning for ourselves and look forward to some happy, healthy years together.

My time span

These days, every day I have an expiration time. This means at no point past that point in time should I attempt to do anything more than knit, read, or watch TV. This time frame means that every day I need to plan out  my day and not spend more time than I should at any point. Every week I sit down and plan out my little time periods so I can get through my days and what I need to get done..

Today my day is planned. Being lazy until 10 am when we will go get the last necessary items for Christmas dinner, make two pies, precook the squash, sort out dishes to use tomorrow, and take a nap while my husband sets the table and cleans up the kitchen.

Tomorrow is Christmas and guests are expected at 2pm to eat at 3pm. I have to put a ham and scalloped potatoes in the oven around 115 and then pick up relatives. We will make the green salad ahead and cook the green beans and heat squash at the last minute. After everyone leaves, which I assume will be by 8pm, I can go to bed early after we run the dishwasher.

Don't I lead an exciting life? This is life with RA and fibromyalgia. For more thoughts on what life with RA go read this.

Since my diagnosis  just over two years ago, my days are shorter and shorter but I hope to make them better and better but doing what I want to and not the stuff I don't want.

My time span

These days, every day I have an expiration time. This means at no point past that point in time should I attempt to do anything more than knit, read, or watch TV. This time frame means that every day I need to plan out  my day and not spend more time than I should at any point. Every week I sit down and plan out my little time periods so I can get through my days and what I need to get done..

Today my day is planned. Being lazy until 10 am when we will go get the last necessary items for Christmas dinner, make two pies, precook the squash, sort out dishes to use tomorrow, and take a nap while my husband sets the table and cleans up the kitchen.

Tomorrow is Christmas and guests are expected at 2pm to eat at 3pm. I have to put a ham and scalloped potatoes in the oven around 115 and then pick up relatives. We will make the green salad ahead and cook the green beans and heat squash at the last minute. After everyone leaves, which I assume will be by 8pm, I can go to bed early after we run the dishwasher.

Don't I lead an exciting life? This is life with RA and fibromyalgia. For more thoughts on what life with RA go read this.

Since my diagnosis  just over two years ago, my days are shorter and shorter but I hope to make them better and better but doing what I want to and not the stuff I don't want.

Fear of cancer

A by product of raising cancer awareness can be increasing people's fear of getting the disease. I think that often in the back of people's minds as they donate or pinkify in someways is "I really hope I don't get it". With Angelina Jolie's decision to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy because of the BRCA gene and the ensuing publicity, more and more women are concerned about their risk of getting breast cancer.

While breast cancer eventually impacts one in eight women by the age of 80, it is much less common in younger women. Most cancers are also discovered at the early treatable stages.

The BRCA gene, which Ms. Jolie has, is only responsible for about 5-10% of breast cancers. If you have relatives who died of ovarian or breast cancer at a young age, you probably should speak to your doctor about being tested for its presence.

If you do have the gene or have a strong family history of breast cancer there are still options available to you instead of a bilateral mastectomy. You can take Tamoxifen. You can skip surgery and medicine and opt for an aggressive screening schedule - particularly if you have not yet had children and plan to do so.

You can still get breast cancer even if you don't have any risk factors (I didn't) at a young age (mid-40s) - anything under 50 is considered young for breast cancer. You can eat right, get exercise, blah, blah, blah.

There is no reason to fear breast cancer or any other cancer or medical ailment. If you spend your life in fear of getting sick, you are not living, you are hiding.

My body is in such bad shape right now. My doctors are amazed at the amount of osteoarthritis I have in my knees and I tell them I worked hard for many years to get into this shape - snap, crackle, and pop every time I bend my left knee from years of skating, skiing, roller blading, hiking, and much  more. I had fun for a long time. Now I still have fun and don't hide from what might happen but I just move at a slower pace.

Little bits of happiness in the medical worlds

The medical world does not need to be sterile and boring. Most waiting rooms have big screen tvs now. Chairs are comfier. They are trying to relax the patients a bit more.

I have been taking a family member for treatment to an area at the hospital where I haven't spent much time in a few years. I have noticed they are expanding the creature comforts for the patients and their family members. There is art. There is a lending library. There is saved seating. There is free coffee. Just nice little touches for long waits.

Then I saw this online:

A bunch of young men were seen running around a parking garage roof which is visible from the ICU rooms and oncology rooms of a Chicago hospital. I got a kick out of it. Apparently patients and providers a like did as well for its short life.

Engineering students made thousands of paper cranes for a hospital in Florida... The images are lovely and can be seen here.

While spending too much quality time at a medical facility, its nice for a little peek at something soothing or amusing.

Happiness

What is happiness in life? We don't realy know. Scientists have defined it as:

My version of it is a bit different (and I have long since forgotten all the calculus, trigonometry and higher math I learned in college) and shorter.

I think happiness is defined as contentment, meeting your own expectations and no one else's. In the scientific definition they talk about it as meeting your expectations of yourself. But do not lower your expectations. You need to set your expectations to a level that you can attain. Wow, am I getting philosophical this morning? That is too much to ask.

But I digress. What makes me happy? Well, as you may have guessed my health doesn't make me happy. Happiness for me is getting a feeling of accomplishment in what I do. Sometimes it leads me to stretch myself a bit thin with volunteer work but I like how I feel after I get something done that helps another group of people.

Sometimes I see people who clearly are not happy with their lives. Some times circumstances can be beyond our control - like getting cancer, and sometimes we need help from others - money, therapy, but we are better off if we focus on making lemonade out of our lemons than allow resentment to grow and turn us into crabby nasty people.

What are my expectations in my life? I now know I am not going to be a rocket scientist, a CEO, a Hollywood star, or cure the common cold. But I am  okay with all that. I wouldn't mind finding a cure for cancer but think there are others who are much more qualified.

What do I want out of life? I think I am happy with a little house on a little street where I can live quietly with my husband and garden. I think I am happy in our own little world here. Its only 10 minutes to the damn hospital if I need it.

Stress

I have a favorite coffee mug these days. It says "I didn't survive cancer to die of stress".

It is true. I try to avoid stress at all costs these days. Ten years ago I was working downtown with a relatively high pressure job where my boss believed yelling at people and making people cry would motivate them.  I didn't like that, nor did I like the way my commute aligned with my  new husband's - he was home an hour and a half before me. I found a new less stressful job which was shortly followed by a  highly stressful cancer diagnosis.

Since then my health has been less than ideal and I have to live with the constant stress of new medical twists and turns every week (this week is an MRI and potential knee surgery). Stress started having a way of taking over my life as I focused on each stressor.

I learned to develop some support systems through support groups, online communities, writing (my blog), therapy, exercise and more. I try to do what relaxes me. I think while I am certainly not healthier, I am happier and less stressed.

Now doctors are catching on and prescribing stress management to patients and developing stress management practices. New research shows that 60-80% of ailments are caused by or exacerbated by stress. That is a scary number. I don't feel that my health issues were caused by stress but I do know if I am having an overwhelming day of stress, my aches and pains increase.

Medical centers are looking at offering everything from counseling, nutrition, meditation, yoga, tai chi, and more to help patients get their lives in balance. Everyone could try this by themselves, give yourself a five minute time out when stress starts taking over to close your eyes and relax and clear your mind. Or take a ten minute walk. Or join a gym, start a new exercise plan. Something besides sitting there and stressing.

Cancer and long term planning

With a cancer diagnosis, one starts having many little conversations with oneself and reevaluates many things that had previously been taken for granted in life. Some of those are very profound,  'its time to take charge of my life', for example, and others are less so 'its time to go to Europe that I've always talked about'.

But one of those items in life that seems to get reevaluated is 'if I have cancer, how important is retirement saving and planning?'. 'How am I supposed to save for retirement and pay medical bills?' And you cut back on your working hours so you can get to appointments. Money is tight.

But the real question is 'with cancer, will I even be here for retirement?'. Clearly retirement planning takes a hit. The younger you are, the less real it can seem.

Yesterday my husband came home from work (where its all top secret so he can't tell me much) in a cranky mood because he felt it was another long and boring day. (My point to him is they pay you to be there. But I digress) Anyway, one of  us mentioned how many more years of this would there be to put up with as we are getting up there in age.

The thought then occurred to me, we never figured out what the hell we are doing when we retire. To be fair, we got married nine years ago and two years later I was diagnosed with breast cancer and all thoughts of retiring were put aside. So now we have no plan. This isn't to say we aren't saving for retirement, we are. But we never figured out our plan.

What are our goals before we retire? Pay off the house first. Then what? Where do we want to retire? Close to good medical care for me of course. But do we want to keep the house, buy a second retirement place someplace? What do we want to do when we retire? We need hobbies and plans. Sitting around together will quickly lead to a body or a divorce.

We realize we need to start planning and thinking and agreeing on some things. It shouldn't be hard but we need to start.

Maybe now I am in a mental place where retirement seems realer again. I am getting closer to the age. My health certainly isn't going to let me keep working for another 20 years. Another cancer blip might change everything all over again but while we can, I think we need to do some long term planning for ourselves and look forward to some happy, healthy years together.