Let's go back to the 'why me' conversation for a minute

At some point along the denial slope of coping with your diagnosis, you sit there and ponder 'why me'? Why did I get this ailment?

We learn through this article that it can have something to do with where you  live. Look at this lovely map showing rates of breast cancer diagnosis per 100,000 women:

And which are the top states with the highest rates of breast cancer?

1. New Hampshire (141.7 incidences per 100,000 people)
2. Massachusetts (135.5)
3. Connecticut (135.2)
4. Minnesota (135.1)
5. Washington (133.9)

I feel so lucky that I  live in Massachusetts with the second highest rate. But wait, I already have it so I don't have to worry. Unless we are talkingal recurrences.

As the article's author writes:

"There's not too much in common with these states other than the fact that they're in the upper half of the country (from a geographic standpoint), which leads me to one of my key points about breast cancer: Researchers aren't exactly sure why some women get breast cancer and others don't. Don't get me wrong; doctors do have a general idea about some of the primary risk factors for breast cancer, which include age, genetics, whether or not a patient is a smoker and/or is overweight, and even whether or not hormone replacement therapy was previously used. But, the fact remains that there's no certainty in determining whether or not one woman will get breast cancer and another one won't."

But maybe we can say the Bible Belt and the Mormons drink less than the rest of the country so maybe they have a reduced risk factor which helps keep their breast cancer rates down. But its all conjecture on my part because it hasn't been figured out.

So if we go back to the original 'why me' question, all we can say is there are still no answers. Crap. It is just a crapshoot.

My hyper-focused life.

My life,and my blog, seem to be hyper-focused on breast cancer. Yes I acknowledge in my (Breast Cancer) blog that I have other ailments but I have never changed the focus of my blog even though I have questioned it. I still blog about breast cancer because it is part of my life. And I write about changing the focus of my blog but haven't.

However, I read this morning there is another disease which is more prevalent than the one-in-eight statistic for breast cancer that is tossed around. It is Alzheimer's. And the writer makes a valid point that breast cancer is full of ribbons and magazine articles on it, Alzheimer's is not.

When I first saw the article title I thought she would be writing about heart disease and felt a little pang of reminder that while two cancer diagnoses don't necessarily keep me as a potential member of the centenarian club, I do have obligations to keep other parts of my body in good shape. It never crossed my mind that Alzheimer's was that prevalent. And its just a nasty way to go.

With that said, my life should not be focused on breast cancer or living with whining about my ever present ailments. I also need to expand my tiny horizons and think about staying healthy to prevent additional, nastier ailments.

A cancer diagnosis kind of makes you take a second thought on long term planning - why am I saving for retirement at this point???? Taking care of myself and thinking about other ailments is probably just as important.

Let's go back to the 'why me' conversation for a minute

At some point along the denial slope of coping with your diagnosis, you sit there and ponder 'why me'? Why did I get this ailment?

We learn through this article that it can have something to do with where you  live. Look at this lovely map showing rates of breast cancer diagnosis per 100,000 women:

And which are the top states with the highest rates of breast cancer?

1. New Hampshire (141.7 incidences per 100,000 people)
2. Massachusetts (135.5)
3. Connecticut (135.2)
4. Minnesota (135.1)
5. Washington (133.9)

I feel so lucky that I  live in Massachusetts with the second highest rate. But wait, I already have it so I don't have to worry. Unless we are talkingal recurrences.

As the article's author writes:

"There's not too much in common with these states other than the fact that they're in the upper half of the country (from a geographic standpoint), which leads me to one of my key points about breast cancer: Researchers aren't exactly sure why some women get breast cancer and others don't. Don't get me wrong; doctors do have a general idea about some of the primary risk factors for breast cancer, which include age, genetics, whether or not a patient is a smoker and/or is overweight, and even whether or not hormone replacement therapy was previously used. But, the fact remains that there's no certainty in determining whether or not one woman will get breast cancer and another one won't."

But maybe we can say the Bible Belt and the Mormons drink less than the rest of the country so maybe they have a reduced risk factor which helps keep their breast cancer rates down. But its all conjecture on my part because it hasn't been figured out.

So if we go back to the original 'why me' question, all we can say is there are still no answers. Crap. It is just a crapshoot.

My hyper-focused life.

My life,and my blog, seem to be hyper-focused on breast cancer. Yes I acknowledge in my (Breast Cancer) blog that I have other ailments but I have never changed the focus of my blog even though I have questioned it. I still blog about breast cancer because it is part of my life. And I write about changing the focus of my blog but haven't.

However, I read this morning there is another disease which is more prevalent than the one-in-eight statistic for breast cancer that is tossed around. It is Alzheimer's. And the writer makes a valid point that breast cancer is full of ribbons and magazine articles on it, Alzheimer's is not.

When I first saw the article title I thought she would be writing about heart disease and felt a little pang of reminder that while two cancer diagnoses don't necessarily keep me as a potential member of the centenarian club, I do have obligations to keep other parts of my body in good shape. It never crossed my mind that Alzheimer's was that prevalent. And its just a nasty way to go.

With that said, my life should not be focused on breast cancer or living with whining about my ever present ailments. I also need to expand my tiny horizons and think about staying healthy to prevent additional, nastier ailments.

A cancer diagnosis kind of makes you take a second thought on long term planning - why am I saving for retirement at this point???? Taking care of myself and thinking about other ailments is probably just as important.

Being rebellious

We all have the desire to run away and join the circus or drop everything and take the day off for fishing/skiing/golf/shopping. I usually go from required space to required space and not whine too much. My life is focused on these places: my job, my house, the hospital for doctor appointments, and the gym with side trips to the grocery store, see my parents, and occasional other events.

Recently I have been feeling over tied to my house and the hospital. I have been stuck at home because of the weather and car problems. I have been at the hospital too DAMN often recently.

On Tuesday morning I have a doctor appointment - where I break in a new doctor - and on Thursday I have a dentist appointment and get some fillings done. I really do not want to have any medical appointments this week or any time soon. Unfortunately the doctor on Monday should probably turn into additional appointments that will give me some relief in some areas.

Between those appointments and a few other obligations I will squish in my job and hope there are no more DAMN snow storms to keep me stuck at home.

What I really want to do is be irresponsible and do something fun. Today we are going out to a fancy brunch for a belated Valentine's. I feel like all we have done this weekend is eat. Tomorrow we hope to retrieve the car from where it broke down on Friday and have no other plans. My inner rebel allows me to think of irresponsible things to do to get outside.

This may include going to the beach. Yes we just had several snow storms back to back but I really could use a walk on the beach. It is not covered by snow because the tide removes it. But the tides are wrong so I need to rethink that. Or I can take my dilapidated body outside and go snow shoeing which invariably leads to pain and whininess.

My inner rebel is going to get me in some kind of trouble with my self I can tell. I'll rebel and do something I really shouldn't and then pay the price with pain and whininess. But I need to do something!

I was bad yesterday

No, not that bad. I didn't break any laws. But I will be recovering from yesterday into tomorrow.

Yesterday morning I went to the gym. Then I came home and got some work done. And ate Halloween candy.

Then I got mostly organized for today's craft fair (at Thornton Ferry Middle school in Merrimack, NH if you want to stop by) where I have  a table.

Then I went for a long walk with a friend. Then we brought take out pizza and salads to my parents.

I came home and had a couple of glasses of wine (and I never drink any more).

I was very bad.

Today I am stiff and sore. I am tired. I am achy. I have to get up and leave here shortly and will be on my feet most of the day. With a smile on my face. My back hurts. My feet hurt. My knee hurts. I would prefer to stay in bed all day. But I have a craft fair. And I have to get up take a shower and run around getting ready.

If I was smart yesterday I would not have gone to the gym AND gone for a walk with a friend. I would  have stayed home last night because I was tired. I just wanted to be a normal person. I should know better. Crap.

When I get home, I will lie down and maybe take a nap before dinner that my husband will cook. Tomorrow I will sleep late and take it easy all day to continue recovering. I just need to get through today first with no Halloween candy, no wine, and no whining.