Being an elephant....

Or more on perceptions vs. reality. I talk about losing weight and my deflabbification project but it never seems to work. I have decided my job is very fattening. I sit next to the kitchen and then people bring in nasty things like donuts and cookies... or even make special trips to the bakery next door to get more when the homemade stuff is run out or they just want a sweet thing. And of course they get enough to share. Then there is the snack rack where for 90 paltry pennies you can get a bag of premade, chemical and fat filled, empty calories of your choice. All within 8' of my desk and in my sightlines. As well as the parade of coworkers going by for their share. So I decided I look and feel like this:

Or this:

Last week at the reunion, I was talking to a social worker friend about this (who is less than 5' tall and weighs less than 90 lbs) about how I feel fat and I hate the way I look in pictures. Her calm reply was that we all feel that way. It did help but I still feel fat. I know my downfalls - emotional eating, late night snacking after dinner, on the job snacking and I have promised myself I need to do something about this before I have to buy larger clothes yet again. But I do feel very sorry for this elephant that is on a strict diet to lose 500 lbs during pregnancy no less.

Thoughts on obesity and cancer

Studies show (because we need another study) says that being obese influences caner patients outcomes. Basically, the fatter you are the more likely you are to die from your cancer. The rates were 16.9% vs. 21.5% in a recent study on breast cancer patients.

Well here is my problem: cancer treatments often cause weight gain (unless you are too nauseous to care about food - but then you can still gain weight). First there is the stress eating and depression eating caused by the trauma of a cancer diagnosis and its looming treatment. Then they pump you full of steroids at each infusion to reduce reactions to your chemo drugs which cause you to feel starving and give you that round moon face. Then the hormonal treatments for breast cancer more weight gain.

My fibromyalgia medication, Lyrica, is known to cause weight gain.

Do you see a pattern here?8

If obesity is going to be considered as much of an issue as to tobacco as a health risk, shouldn't more focus be placed on the side effects  of the treatments themselves? Shouldn't care be taken to prevent causing additional health risks while treating another ailment?

Is the benefit I get for taking Femara, hormonal breast cancer treatment, negated by the weight gain it causes?

Sometimes I wonder why I still take it. If I could lose some weight by going off it, would I be better off without it?

But then we realize that it is easy in most situations to put weight on but much harder to take it off. And with each new medication you gain another 10 pounds that just won't go away...

More research please.

The Weighty Question

Here I am feeling old and fat. I am fat. I know it. I wore a dress when we went out to dinner the other night and it made me look pregnant. I am too fat. I know I have to lose weight and believe me I am trying.

Here are the problems I have with losing weight:

1. My newest medication, Lyrica, added 10 more pounds
2. My hormonal breast cancer medication was good for another 10 pounds
3. I can only exercise three days a week or am in pain and uncomfortable for a couple days
4. I like food, I like to cook, and I like to eat
5. I am an emotional eater and eat when stressed 
6. And, last but not least, I work in an office which has a candy basket that is usually full, a snack tray full of tasty and fattening foods, and people bring in goodies a couple times a week. The last two are in full view of my desk and so going back to # 5 on a bad day at work, I am doomed.

I have been working on losing weight. But it is much harder to lose these days.  Having the stomach flu where I didn't have any appetite (or go to work) for 9 days, helped me start. I am down a few pounds that seem to be staying off but want to keep them off and take off more.

I can't live on lettuce. I do like salads and healthy food like Greek yogurt, home made granola, bananas, and other healthy foods. My husband is intent on losing weight as well. Tonight's dinner will be fish with vegetables and maybe some quinoa. Tomorrow night we will probably have fish again. That will be a good start.

I know losing weight will help with fibromyalgia, back pain, RA, and reduce cancer recurrence risk so there is lots of incentive, never mind the emotional side of not wanting to go up another clothes size, again.

The weighty question is it possible for me to lose weight by changing eating habits and food choices for the two of us long term? I certainly hope so. I have blogged about this several times over the years and the scale seems to keep going in the wrong direction. Maybe its time to throw out the scale.

Dieting and such

Here's a theory: skip focusing on which diet is best and start focusing on changing eating habits.

This translates to stop focusing on what we eat and getting the balanced diet and change to focus on how we can get people to make healthier food decisions. Are we eating because we are stressed? Do we have bad habits related to the drive through where we make a quick stop on the way home and eat the food in the car?

Researchers look at all sorts of diets - Paleo, Atkins, Weight Watchers - and compare them all. The FDA issues the nutrition pyramid which is now a plate. But does anyone stop and look at the eating habits we have developed and why we have them?

We live in a world full of light this and fat free that and a widening population. Why?

I used to work with a woman who was a fairly healthy eater at work. She did not snack, she didn't go out for donuts. But she was quite large. I never really figured out why.

Then I went on a business trip with her and  she insisted we stop at the grocery store on the way to the hotel so she could get some stuff for her room. I was happy to go and get some seltzer (my secret addiction). She bought a couple boxes of crackers and cookies - for a three day business conference. I think she went out and made another grocery run later on. I think she was an evening snacker - hence her hefty weight.

So why does a normal, bright, well educated person, sit and eat for hours at night by themselves? That is the question to answer.

If you watch the greater loser shows, people talk about their bad eating habits and are taught how to eat healthy -  no soda, no drive through, healthy snacking. They also get exercise and lose weight. But they change their eating habits. Maybe they eat more salads and fewer french fries but often these shows are accompanied by tears and emotional breakthroughs as well.

I know my weight stems from three issues I have.

1. At my job, there are more snacks than any place I have ever worked and the kitchen is right next to my office.
2. I snack after dinner which I shouldn't do. (Why did I eat that granola bar after dinner last night? I didn't have dessert is my justification and I wanted something crunchy. But I didn't need it.)
3. Sometimes I eat when I am not hungry because I am bored, stressed or in pain.

So if I can get rid of those habits, I can lose weight. I have been working on them, my weight is going in the right direction. The funny thing is I am still eating desserts sometimes and normal food. I didn't switch what I eat. I switched when I eat. My goal is to modify my eating habits so I can get to and maintain a healthy weight but still enjoy eating. I will no live on lite versions of crappy prepared food.

Maybe that's what researchers need to figure out so other people can more easily lose weight.

Being an elephant....

Or more on perceptions vs. reality. I talk about losing weight and my deflabbification project but it never seems to work. I have decided my job is very fattening. I sit next to the kitchen and then people bring in nasty things like donuts and cookies... or even make special trips to the bakery next door to get more when the homemade stuff is run out or they just want a sweet thing. And of course they get enough to share. Then there is the snack rack where for 90 paltry pennies you can get a bag of premade, chemical and fat filled, empty calories of your choice. All within 8' of my desk and in my sightlines. As well as the parade of coworkers going by for their share. So I decided I look and feel like this:

Or this:

Last week at the reunion, I was talking to a social worker friend about this (who is less than 5' tall and weighs less than 90 lbs) about how I feel fat and I hate the way I look in pictures. Her calm reply was that we all feel that way. It did help but I still feel fat. I know my downfalls - emotional eating, late night snacking after dinner, on the job snacking and I have promised myself I need to do something about this before I have to buy larger clothes yet again. But I do feel very sorry for this elephant that is on a strict diet to lose 500 lbs during pregnancy no less.

Thoughts on obesity and cancer

Studies show (because we need another study) says that being obese influences caner patients outcomes. Basically, the fatter you are the more likely you are to die from your cancer. The rates were 16.9% vs. 21.5% in a recent study on breast cancer patients.

Well here is my problem: cancer treatments often cause weight gain (unless you are too nauseous to care about food - but then you can still gain weight). First there is the stress eating and depression eating caused by the trauma of a cancer diagnosis and its looming treatment. Then they pump you full of steroids at each infusion to reduce reactions to your chemo drugs which cause you to feel starving and give you that round moon face. Then the hormonal treatments for breast cancer more weight gain.

My fibromyalgia medication, Lyrica, is known to cause weight gain.

Do you see a pattern here?8

If obesity is going to be considered as much of an issue as to tobacco as a health risk, shouldn't more focus be placed on the side effects  of the treatments themselves? Shouldn't care be taken to prevent causing additional health risks while treating another ailment?

Is the benefit I get for taking Femara, hormonal breast cancer treatment, negated by the weight gain it causes?

Sometimes I wonder why I still take it. If I could lose some weight by going off it, would I be better off without it?

But then we realize that it is easy in most situations to put weight on but much harder to take it off. And with each new medication you gain another 10 pounds that just won't go away...

More research please.

On not being normal

If you find a truly 'normal' person, please let me know. No one is normal - its just a fact of life. But some people are more abnormal than others in different ways. Take me for example, I am very abnormal in the medical world. I have more medical ailments than my 80 something parents. 

All those health articles with tips for healthy living usually do not apply to me. I mean I can hydrate more but I can also floss more too.

Anything that relates to jump starting your metabolism to lose weight - um, I don't have a thyroid so its not going to do anything. Or more or different exercise - sorry, between RA, Fibromyalgia, lymphedema arm, and other injuries that never seem to go away - not happening.

I watch the ads on TV about the newest gym and fitness equipment - not going to do much for me. I go to my gym for dilapidated people and a trainer helps me through bumps in the health road. The  gym is running a contest this month for those who go the most often will be entered in a drawing for some big prize. I can't participate because I can't go more often. I couldn't participate in their last team challenge that was about increasing fitness. The team who increased their fitness the most won t-shirts or something - bragging rights? My goal is to maintain my fitness not increase it.

My three days a week at the gym are about my maximum. I do try to go for a walk once a week as well but that doesn't always work out.I can't just hop on my bike, sign up for a yoga or pilates class. The newest fitness apps? Doubtful.

The so called 'normal' people can lose weight by eating less and moving more. I can eat less but I can't move more.

I am not making excuses just expressing my frustration. I add medications that have that lovely weight gain feature and then I can't move more to counter act that. I try to eat less and it doesn't seem to help.

It could be compounded by that evil menopause (or in my case - chemopause) side effect of weight gain. It could be compounded by the fact that the office I work in has the tendency to bring in evil doughnuts and things like that.

I just need to accept I'm abnormal and my inner size eight is screaming to get out of the current size 12 body.

I am in a cranky mood

I don't know if cranky is the right word. I feel guilt ridden and stressed for not getting into work when I said I would. I hate not keeping my promises on when I would get things done. There was a blizzard which is a good reason but I have a huge pile of work to do and am behind. It didn't help that I was sick before Christmas as well and missed time. I need to get into work and get a lot done before I will feel better. Its frustrating.

I feel stuck inside because of the little tiny blizzard. I went to go shovel out the front walk just to get outside yesterday. I told my husband I was going to brush the snow off the cars with a broom but I also grabbed a shovel to clear the front walk. Ten minutes and my back hurt and I was back inside for the day with an ice pack.

A friend was talking about snow shoeing on Sunday. I can't really snow shoe. I tried last winter. I walked up and down our street (which has five houses total) to take pictures of the snow and that was enough. I used to be able to snow shoe.

She thought I should be able to snow shoe because I can walk. But the weight of the snow shoes on my back are very different. (She means well but is also someone who keeps asking when my back will be better.) See I am cranky. I'm complaining about my friends. I don't usually do that but I am aggravated, cranky, guilt ridden, stress filled, etc.

I feel fat because I have eaten all sorts of bad things through the holidays. Everything from big family meals with dessert to candies and chocolates and meals out. The scale is saying bad things to me. I was trying to be very good about eating before the holidays but I blew all that. I am back on Lyrica which is helping my fibromyalgia but has that lovely weight gain side effect.

Further proof of my crankiness is that I read this blog post on one week of junk food could damage your memory and left a cranky comment. (I went back and deleted the comment because I decided it was rude.) At this point in my current mood, I couldn't care less about eating healthy.

But today I am doing things differently. I am going to the gym this morning. My husband and I are going Christmas shopping this afternoon - looking for decorations on sale. We are having a healthy stir fry dinner tonight with rice noodles and chicken. Without dessert. Tomorrow we will go see The Hobbit part 2 in 3D. Quality time  with my husband always makes me feel better.

The Weighty Question

Here I am feeling old and fat. I am fat. I know it. I wore a dress when we went out to dinner the other night and it made me look pregnant. I am too fat. I know I have to lose weight and believe me I am trying.

Here are the problems I have with losing weight:

1. My newest medication, Lyrica, added 10 more pounds
2. My hormonal breast cancer medication was good for another 10 pounds
3. I can only exercise three days a week or am in pain and uncomfortable for a couple days
4. I like food, I like to cook, and I like to eat
5. I am an emotional eater and eat when stressed 
6. And, last but not least, I work in an office which has a candy basket that is usually full, a snack tray full of tasty and fattening foods, and people bring in goodies a couple times a week. The last two are in full view of my desk and so going back to # 5 on a bad day at work, I am doomed.

I have been working on losing weight. But it is much harder to lose these days.  Having the stomach flu where I didn't have any appetite (or go to work) for 9 days, helped me start. I am down a few pounds that seem to be staying off but want to keep them off and take off more.

I can't live on lettuce. I do like salads and healthy food like Greek yogurt, home made granola, bananas, and other healthy foods. My husband is intent on losing weight as well. Tonight's dinner will be fish with vegetables and maybe some quinoa. Tomorrow night we will probably have fish again. That will be a good start.

I know losing weight will help with fibromyalgia, back pain, RA, and reduce cancer recurrence risk so there is lots of incentive, never mind the emotional side of not wanting to go up another clothes size, again.

The weighty question is it possible for me to lose weight by changing eating habits and food choices for the two of us long term? I certainly hope so. I have blogged about this several times over the years and the scale seems to keep going in the wrong direction. Maybe its time to throw out the scale.