better than yoga

Lucy could give lessons in how to relax.

time passes

re-charging

late to the party

My last post was called, "just under the wire." I sense a theme developing here. Perhaps it's better to get things up at the last minute or even late, rather than not at all.

Last Friday was Halloween and it was a milestone for my family - the first time in 16 years that my spouse and I were home together all evening. So weird.

Sacha dressed up for school, then helped a friend with his haunted house and watched Shaun of the Dead. He ended the evening with a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. We didn't actually see him from the time he left for school in the morning until we heard him and his friends come in after the show. We got some of the details over bagels the next morning (a few of the boys slept over). It sounds like it was a great evening.

Bob from Bob's Burgers

"Best Group Costume"

For the first year ever, Daniel went Trick or Treating without an adult. Two of his friends came over after dinner and they went to collect two other friends in the neighbourhood. They trick-or-treated for a while and then went to one boy's house to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas and Beetlejuice. Daniel came home tired and euphoric, with the smallest bag of candy I have ever seen on Halloween. Clearly far more time was spent walking and talking then actually trick or treating. It sounds like a great evening.

Space Cowboy, inspired by Sparks Nevada

The division of labour in our house was always such that I stayed home and gave out candy and Tim went out with the boys. This was my choice. Perversely, now that I will never get the chance, I wish I had gone out trick-or-treating with my kids at least once.

It wasn't a relaxing evening in our house. Toby, the dog we adopted in May, barks when the doorbell rings or someone knocks. This happens when he thinks he hears knocking (the other dog might just be scratching herself) or when he hears the doorbell on TV. Sometimes, he even barks when he hears somebody come down the stairs in the house. So Halloween? Drove him crazy. And he whipped Lucy into a frenzy. By the end of the evening my nerves were raw but the dogs seemed pretty happy. I think they had a great evening.

Gratuitous photo of Lucy (the co-barker) from last Halloween. The dogs wouldn't sit still
long enough for a photo in this year's Halloween hats.

I'm pleased to announce that I didn't eat any Halloween candy this year. But I might have had a whiskey. And some cheezies. They go surprisingly well together

wishing for a dreamless sleep

I'm about to hit the hay. I've been plagued by wild dreams of late and I'm hoping tonight's sleep will be deep and dreamless.

No discovering that I've not graduated from high school.

No returning to live with my parents while I complete school.

No wandering the halls unsure where I'm supposed to go and unable to find the office or a time-table.

No discovering I'm way, way hopelessly behind.

No finding myself responsible for other people's babies.

No getting my stomach pumped.

No crawling into bed, only to discover that I've let myself into a stranger's home and I'm under the covers of their guest bed in their living room.

No mowing the same stranger's giant lawn under a blinding hot sun.

No dead dogs on the lawn.

No horrible hair cuts.

Just sweet, dreamless sleep. 

Wish me luck.

Hallowe'en re-cap

A few days before Hallowe'en, parents received an email stating that, while dressing up on October 31st was encouraged, costumes could not include "weapons or blood." This was Daniel's quick solution.

Apparently, everyone at the school was fine.

Every Hallowe'en at our house begins with carving.

Our pumpkin wore a knight's helmet, to complement the evening's costume.

Don't let the serious face fool you. He was thrilled.

And I got to bemoan the fact that I had my child's "blood on my hands."

Even Lucy got in on the fun, albeit reluctantly.

And the biggest news of all? 

questions off the grid

 Last week, I spent several days in a cabin on a very quiet island in Northern Ontario. It was bliss.

We were also completely offline. No phone, no electricity, no internet. I didn't mind one bit but it did serve to underline how often I have come to rely on Mr. Google to provide information. Here are just a few of the questions that went unanswered:

What is the difference between NASCAR and Formula 1?

What is the weather forecast?

What is fracking?

How do I knit cables without making holes in my knitting?

Who bought the Body Shop?

Why does the carbon-monoxide detector keep going off?

What are the health benefits of okra?

What are the ingredients in sweet potato pie?

What dogs are in the high risk group for bloat?

Are coffee grounds good for the septic system?

Is there a specific person assigned to travel with the Stanley Cup?  (The internet has failed me on this one! One link said there are three Hall of Fame staff who travel with the Cup but when I clicked through to the the article itself, the info was not included).

going away

Later this morning, my dog and I are going off on an adventure.

We're taking the train to Toronto and then piling into a van with two big Labradors and one of the people I love the most in the world. We'll drive several hours in a northerly direction and then we'll take a boat to a quiet island.

For several days, we will eat, talk, walk, read, I will knit and we will talk some more (or at least the humans will. The dogs will join in the walking part and will do their own share of eating). We will be completely off the grid.

On Thursday, we will pack up our gear into the boat and reverse the process to travel home.

This is the second time we have done this (although the first time for Lucy, my Tibetan Terrier). Last year, I had been teetering on the edge of a depression and came home feeling restored. This year, I'm in a much better space and absolutely giddy with anticipation.

There are lots of potential challenges - last year the boat wouldn't start but we were able to find the home of the guy who rents some. Whatever, comes up, though, we will have each other and some good stories to tell.

See you on the other side.

making the best of it

I think I've coped with chemo week much better this time around (thanks in part to some good advice from a friend).

my good bad dog: a love story

She makes an excellent, if somewhat smelly pillow.

It's a good thing she's cute.

This is her Hallowe'en costume. It suits her.

She jumps up on visitors and gets into the garbage at least once a week. She ignores most commands, unless she feels like listening and she steals food off the table (one time a fresh baked lemon meringue pie), the moment you turn your back. She'd run into traffic, if she thought there were something interesting on the other side of the street. She hates to get her feet wet but will roll in the mud. She disappears the instant I have a brush in my hand.

But she comes when called (most of the time) and materializes from out of nowhere when I put on my shoes for a walk. She loves me exuberantly and unconditionally. To her, I will always be The Best and Most Important, even when I have lost confidence in myself. She is happy almost every moment of every day and she gets me out the door when I'm feeling unmotivated.

She has the sweetest temperament of any living being and I have watched a child pull her out of a hiding place by her tail, without a whimper or a growl. She'll sit in a lap like a toddler and will fall asleep in my arms, with her head on my shoulder. I call her my Hairy Little Girl and whole host of names too embarrassing to repeat in this space.

She's a balm on my bruised spirit and an undemanding, forgiving companion. She makes me smile and even laugh on the days my heart hurts the most. She reminds me to be happy, to let go of the little things and how much fun it is just to be alive.

She's formally called Amaia Fiesta Lucy Diamond. She's a very good bad dog.

random. out of necessity

It's Day 3 After Chemo and my brain is jumping around like a puppy with a burr up her butt. I can't focus on anything for more than a few seconds so here is a little bit of randomness:

One:

It appears that my family and I will be among the first in line for the H1N1 vaccine. My kids will be so thrilled.

Two:

My friend Jeanne, the Assertive Cancer Patient, posted about a reader in Texas who has $187,000 worth of Neupogen that she can't use:

"Texas doesn't have a drug repository that would take this medicine and pass it on to someone who needs it, and she hates to see it go to waste, as do I.

Any ideas, readers?

Obviously, we can't break the law and put this stuff on eBay or Craigslist, so I am looking for legal ways to get these expensive drugs to someone who can use them."

Three:

Yesterday, I got a phone call from the CT booking unit at my local hospital. I was informed that my oncologist had ordered a scan of my abdomen and chest, to be administered within the next couple of weeks.

I had a CT scan on September 4. When I mentioned this to the person who was booking the appointment, she had me call the nurse who works with my oncologist to confirm that they really want me to have another one. The nurse called back today and said that I didn't need to do the abdomen but since it's been a while since they have done the chest, we should go ahead with that.

I called the booking person back and the appointment has been scheduled for this Sunday afternoon at 1:20 (I had to cancel plans). My questions: Why didn't we they just order my chest scan for the same time as my las CT? Or my next one? I have no reason to believe that my doc suspects that there is anything wrong and I bet that if I could talk to him directly he would say that the chest scan can wait until we next do the abdomen. Why should I be subjected to extra radiation, an extra trip to the hospital and an extra session of find-the-vein when we have no reason to believe that there is anything wrong (and while I continue to undergo chemotherapy)?

But it's just not worth fighting about. Sigh.

Four:

Finally, I have another finished object to show. It's a Clapotis. I totally wish this one were for me but it has been promised to someone else. I will definitely add another one to the knitting queue. I made it from Knit Picks yarn (the Gloss Sock Yarn, merino wool and silk). It's lovely stuff (especially after washing) and relatively inexpensive. It also came quickly. I'll definitely order from them again.

These photos don't really do it justice but my son was a very, very good sport about posing for them.

i can relate.

just another conversation

I've started to record bits of conversation that occur at our house. This one took place yesterday morning betweem my spouse and me.

T.: "Can you send a Facebook message to someone who's not your Friend on Facebook?"

Me: "You can. I get emails all the time from strange men saying they can't live without me."

T.: "You do?"

Me: "Yes, sometimes they say they saw my photo and that they can't stop thinking about me."

T.: "Wow."

Me: "I especially wonder about those because my profile photo is of the dog."

(Conversation interrupted by laughter)

Me: "I think they might be spam."

T.: "In those cases, I hope they are, because the alternative is disturbing."

43 things (part one)

Yesterday was my birthday. I decided that it would be fun to write a post with 43 things that I had never written about on the blog. This proved to be quite a challenge, especially since I don't seem to have a lot of writing time these days (and it was my birthday, after all).



I've decided to post the list in stages, since I stil only have less than 20 and a post with 43 things would be way too long to be interesting (and I'm hoping this is interesting).



So here goes:



1. I am 43 years old (hence the 43 things).



2. I've decided that I want to lose 44lbs before my 44th birthday.



3. My most memorable birthday presents were my little black dog (who was a Mother's Day, birthday and Christmas present all rolled into one), my trip to BlogHer in '07 and the red bike with the banana seat that I got for my seventh birthday.



4. I wear much less make-up now than I did when I was fifteen.



5. One year, in university, I spent several November days dressed up as an elf and handed out candy canes along with leaflets asking people not to buy “war toys.”



6. I'm married but I have never celebrated my wedding anniversary. I have celebrated the anniversary of the beginning of our relationship. In March, it will be 20 years (we've been married for 14).



7. We were married by a secular Jewish Humanist officiant. She stipulated that there would be no mention of God and no sexism in the ceremony, which suited us perfectly.



8. I am in awe of every single one of my brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law on both sides of my family. I have eight in total and I really like hanging out with each one (and my sister is pretty great, too).



9. I got my first dog when I was 25 years old. I planned and researched for a year before settling on a golden retriever. The other breeds on my short list were pug and Shetland sheep dog.



10. I named her Emma after Emma Goldman, although her papers said Golden Breeze Lady Emma Delight. She was neither an anarchist nor an aristocrat by nature.



11. I lost Emma to old age and Jasper to cancer. Losing Jasper was harder, as it felt so unexpected and brutal. My grief for him is still very raw and I miss him more than I can say (I know that I've written about this but I need to include it here).



12. I have absolutely no sense of direction, a trait I have passed on to my firstborn.



13. I can't curl my tongue, although both kids and my spouse can. This makes me feel oddly left out.



14. I can still remember the first phone number I ever learned but I sometimes forget my cell phone number.

dogs can fly

The day after I wrote the post about my friend Rebecca, I went to Take the Plunge, a fundraiser for local dog rescue organizations. It was a lot of fun. We had the chance to meet many different kinds of dogs and the people who love them. They came in all shapes and sizes, colours and temperaments. We also met a miniature horse and some ferrets. One woman was pushing a cat in a stroller. The cat wasn't strapped in and seemed quite relaxed amidst all the canine chaos.

The central event of the afternoon was the dock diving competition. We watched all kinds of dogs leap after toys into the pool. Some of the dogs needed to be persuaded to get out of the water. Most seemed incredibly pleased with themselves. Everyone - spectators, dogs and their human handlers seemed to be having a wonderful time.

This dog took my breath away:

I thought a lot about Rebecca as I sat in the sun; this was the fun event I had chosen to dedicate to her memory. And then the most incredible thing happened. I watched a pit bull terrier, among all the retrievers and border collies, launch himself off the dock and fly an incredible 18 feet. His owner jumped with joy and fist-pumped the air as she yelled, "Ten and half years old!"

I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes. I thought of my Jasper who didn't make it to his tenth birthday. I thought of Rebecca's pit bull Diezel who is waiting for a new forever home. And I thought of Rebecca and how life is far too short not to enjoy a day in the sun, doing the things we love.

It's not to late to do something fun in Rebecca's memory and let me know. The family is planning a celebration of her life, in accordance with her wishes (they're also asking for suggestions as to what to write on her urn). I'm tracking all the stories you send me and compiling them for the family. I'll eventually publish the list here too.

do me a favour: honour my friend by having some fun

My friend Rebecca died this week. She was all of 37 years old (if I've done the math right) and she had metastatic breast cancer. She was also one of the funniest people in my online community. She was also generous, straigtforward and honest. My heart goes out to her friends and family - the people she loved, wrote about and who knew her best.

Rebecca left strict instructions that we were to shed no tears after her passing (I'm afraid I've let her down on that front but I've been doing my best) and that, instead of a funeral she wanted a celebration of her life. I'd love to join the party and to hear the stories that those closest to her would be bound to share. Because Rebecca took her fun seriously.

I won't be able to attend the celebration (Rebecca lived in Cape Cod) but I would like to do something. And I need your help.

1. In the next week or so, please go out and do something fun. Do anything at all, as long as it makes you happy. If you need inspiration, Rebecca loved dogs (especially her pit bull, Diezel), cooking, eating out (her restaurant reviews were among my favourite blog posts), her scooter, her little car, road trips, NASCAR, kick boxing, books, funny movies and music. If none of these things appeal to you, please go out and do your own thing. If you like, bring someone with you to join in the fun.

2. Let me know. You can leave me a comment on this blog, send me an email (laurie dot kingston at gmail dot com) or message me on Twitter (I'm @lauriek). Just a few words to let me know what fun thing you did in Rebecca's memory. I'll compile a list and make sure that it gets to her family.

That's it. It already makes me feel happier, thinking that there will be a little more joy in the world this week. I think Rebecca would approve.

recipe for low-tech fun

1. Take down kids' playhouse that has been up for almost a decade.

2. Leave dogs unsupervised in back yard.

3. Set two six year old boys up with sprinkler and water slide.

4. Leave six year old boys unsupervised for two minutes.

5. Find small lake filling hole previously dug by dogs.

6. Consider becoming annoyed but remember how much fun you had playing in the mud as a kid.

7. Sit and knit while boys dip their hands in the water.

8. Watch as boys wade into mud hole.

9. Listen to imagination game as boys run mud through their fingers.

10. Observe the inevitability of mud in fingers leading to mud covering bodies and faces.

11. Intervene only when mud is being flung against the house.

12. Watch boys rinse mud off house.

13. Interrupt game only when it is time to leave.

14. Ignore pleas for five more minutes.

15. Hose boys down.

16. Drop one boy off at home.

17. Apologize for mud encrusted in ears and other places.

18. Smile every time you think of those two boys covered in mud.

treatment week

I still miss you so much

ok

I want to let you all know (those of you who have been asking, wondering or worrying) that the reason I've not blogged since Friday is that I've been incredibly busy and that I haven't fallen completely apart.

I'm still feeling incredibly sad but there have also been some unbelievably beautiful moments in the last few days and those have kept me going.

I'll try and find some time to blog tomorrow afternoon but I wanted to take a moment tonight to say thanks to each one of you who have offered your love, support and understanding.

We're keeping J-Dog as comfortable as we can for as long as we can and I am spoiling him rotten (lots of treats, feeding him from the table, wet food and lots of cuddles).

Goodnight blogosphere. Thank you for reminding me why I love you so much.